i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
