He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
