I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
