You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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