Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
