dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
