I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
