My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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