upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
