I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize