Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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