nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
