I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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