She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
