Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
