im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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