ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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