I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
