it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize