I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
