I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
