i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
