there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
