last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
