it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
