so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
