Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
