Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
