Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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