I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
