ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
