Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
