She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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