I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
