Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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