He kissed a someone with a penis
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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