I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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