a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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