Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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