We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
