I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
