just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never underestimate the power of titties
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
