I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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