One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
