I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
