they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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