Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize