ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
