I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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