why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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