I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
