Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
