Im at strip club and am horny
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
