I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
