living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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