I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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