Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
