where am i from again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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