He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
