apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
