We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
