She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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