party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
