why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
