i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
