Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
