I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize