hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
