Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
