All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
