I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
