do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize