he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
