Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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