Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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